Breaking Up is Hard to Do

Obviously, its been awhile since I have updated my blog and it wasn't because I forgot or that people were not reminding me (Thanks, elTee). I've been reluctant to update because I have been sort of going through one of my periodic professional and personal existential crises.
Why am I here? What am I doing?


The professional and personal decided to coincide this time. It sounds more dramatic than it actually was and because it wasn't dramatic, I wasn't quite sure I was going through one until I finally had a day off this weekend. Today's theme is "breaking up is hard to do."

1. I will start at the beginning. I had been dating this guy that I met through one of my gigs and decided 2 weeks ago that I needed to break up with him. VERY long story short, we wanted completely different things. And because I am not ready to settle down, I think that no one is ready to settle down. Its sort of an interesting story that will stick with me for a while and the topic of a future post after more time has passed. Anyhow, I felt pretty great about that decision, but breaking up with someone isn't the easiest thing, especially when the guy is a fantastic guy.

2. In conjunction with that break up, several of the therapists at the school have decided to move on to new jobs and experiences. Getting to know and work with these women has been a pleasure. I have learned so much about being apart of an interdisciplinary team, participating in co-treats and being in an office environment that isn't also apart of my home. I am sad to see them go but I am happy that they are moving on. Over the last year, I've been lucky to create some solid friendships and working relationships that I know will lead to future professional endeavors and also shenanigans. That's huge for me, as I tend to have issues balancing work and play.

3. Then... a job position opened up at a private school for a music history, theory and musical theater instructor for middle and high school students. Surprisingly, I applied. It felt weird because it was a deviation from clinical work, but I convinced myself that it was a good exercise to at least apply. By the time I submitted my application, the position had been filled. I am glad the decision was made for me and on some level I probably waited so long to decide to apply secretly hoping that would happen. I get enough kicks from playing shows and I would hate to leave my clients.

All of these things swirling around created a kind weird altered state of consciousness and I sort of missed the signs that I was supposed to keep moving forward without deviating (too much) from my path. Like:

• I've been asked to take on some extra clients for the next few weeks while another therapist goes on maternity leave
• I have a new lead on a program that might be receptive to starting a music therapy program. 
• I had a meeting with a stanford masters student who has created a new program that bridges math concepts and english literacy concepts through music.
• I'm also up for an accompanist job for a voice studio which would be a great way to round out weekly hours 
• AND I am starting a new piano student this week.

I'm feeling more like myself now, especially after a marathon catch up with my co-intern Kari yesterday. I'm off to a session this morning and then taking care of September scheduling and general housekeeping items. I guess I have to break up with the weekend too. :) Away I go.