Breaking Up is Hard to Do

Obviously, its been awhile since I have updated my blog and it wasn't because I forgot or that people were not reminding me (Thanks, elTee). I've been reluctant to update because I have been sort of going through one of my periodic professional and personal existential crises.
Why am I here? What am I doing?


The professional and personal decided to coincide this time. It sounds more dramatic than it actually was and because it wasn't dramatic, I wasn't quite sure I was going through one until I finally had a day off this weekend. Today's theme is "breaking up is hard to do."

1. I will start at the beginning. I had been dating this guy that I met through one of my gigs and decided 2 weeks ago that I needed to break up with him. VERY long story short, we wanted completely different things. And because I am not ready to settle down, I think that no one is ready to settle down. Its sort of an interesting story that will stick with me for a while and the topic of a future post after more time has passed. Anyhow, I felt pretty great about that decision, but breaking up with someone isn't the easiest thing, especially when the guy is a fantastic guy.

2. In conjunction with that break up, several of the therapists at the school have decided to move on to new jobs and experiences. Getting to know and work with these women has been a pleasure. I have learned so much about being apart of an interdisciplinary team, participating in co-treats and being in an office environment that isn't also apart of my home. I am sad to see them go but I am happy that they are moving on. Over the last year, I've been lucky to create some solid friendships and working relationships that I know will lead to future professional endeavors and also shenanigans. That's huge for me, as I tend to have issues balancing work and play.

3. Then... a job position opened up at a private school for a music history, theory and musical theater instructor for middle and high school students. Surprisingly, I applied. It felt weird because it was a deviation from clinical work, but I convinced myself that it was a good exercise to at least apply. By the time I submitted my application, the position had been filled. I am glad the decision was made for me and on some level I probably waited so long to decide to apply secretly hoping that would happen. I get enough kicks from playing shows and I would hate to leave my clients.

All of these things swirling around created a kind weird altered state of consciousness and I sort of missed the signs that I was supposed to keep moving forward without deviating (too much) from my path. Like:

• I've been asked to take on some extra clients for the next few weeks while another therapist goes on maternity leave
• I have a new lead on a program that might be receptive to starting a music therapy program. 
• I had a meeting with a stanford masters student who has created a new program that bridges math concepts and english literacy concepts through music.
• I'm also up for an accompanist job for a voice studio which would be a great way to round out weekly hours 
• AND I am starting a new piano student this week.

I'm feeling more like myself now, especially after a marathon catch up with my co-intern Kari yesterday. I'm off to a session this morning and then taking care of September scheduling and general housekeeping items. I guess I have to break up with the weekend too. :) Away I go.

Back to Work

Okay- I am on my last day of Summer vacation before the craziness of July begins. 

First up, I have great news! I had a fantastic meeting with the administration at school before I left for my NY vacation. They will be renewing my contract at the school with the hope to continue and expand my work. Yay! That was perfect news to kick off my vacation. I am back to work tomorrow and looking forward to it. 

My NY trip was amazing. We had some quality best friend time. We didn't really do the touristy stuff, but instead did and saw more local things. We went to Long Beach for the day; We celebrated Canada Day at Joe's Pub by singing along to the Canadian Songbook; We went to Atlantic City to play the slots (see the picture of the boardwalk)! Julie was up about 50 bucks and I lost money. Typical. We took the bus from the NY Port Authority. We had no trouble getting there and we even made our bus back!

We ate at lovely diners and restaurants, including Justin Timberlake's restaurant, Southern Hospitality. We caught a Broadway play, Peter and the Star Catcher. That was a treat! This play was probably the best production I've ever seen, of anything. It was witty and hilarious. The staging was brilliant and creative. We really enjoyed ourselves. 

Another high point was being able to catch up with a friend of mine from Chapman. I hadn't seen her in 3 years and I randomly thought to send her a text to see if she was around. Julie and I ended up spending the 4th of July with my friend and a group of people she knows. We ended up on a rooftop party in Hell's Kitchen for the firework show. It was a fun party- we didn't really know many people aside from my chapman friend and her boyfriend. The guy who lived in the building (a friend of my chapman friend) is a young fashion photographer who apparently was just featured on a show on Bravo. Little details like that crack me up. I guess its a thing to just allow random people up to the rooftop for a party... as long as they bring something - cups, ice, mixers, booze, snackies. It was actually a lovely affair. We stayed for a while after the show ended before heading back to Julie's apartment. This was really the perfect way to end my trip. 

I'm glad to be home and starting back at work. Too much time on my hands means random creative projects. Here's to my last vacation day!

MT Nerd Alert

I just finished a couple of books and wanted to write a little something about them:


The Way of Music - Kalani
Kalani is a colleague and music therapist friend. We went through school around the same time at different schools. He developed a book on improvisation techniques and exercises. He draws from other sources of improvisation (Bruscia, Gardstrom, Wigram, Nordoff-Robbins, Victor Wooten) as well as his own experience as a percussionist and therapist. With each technique he explains, he offers exercises to try. Many of the techniques include both intra- and inter-personal exercises to practice and apply the techniques. I think its well written and explains things quite well. It looks a little more user friendly than Models of Improvisational Music Therapy and is closer in style to Gardstrom's book on techniques for group improvisation facilitation. I also really liked his distinction between improvisation and clinical improvisation.

Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World that Won't Stop Talking - Susan Cain
I loved reading this book. Its a hefty read, but I blew through it because it was so interesting. Only an introvert would by a book about introversion in order to have some alone time to think deeply about being introverted. It was lovely AND it helped me understand a bit more about how I function. She touches on topics like the neuroscience of introversion, intro- and extro-verts in business practices and leadership (and the strengths and weaknesses of both), and communicating with people of different types.
What I found most interesting was a chapter on when to act more extroverted than you really are. I was thinking about how I love the 5 days of go-go-go at conferences - the networking, the learning, the staying up late and getting up early feeling amazing, the music making and relationship building- and the thankful feeling that conferences only happen twice a year. I get so much out of each trip, but need a significant chunk of time to recharge when I return. I am social and a (fairly skilled) networker when needed, but then feel absolutely depleted of my energy afterwards.  This chapter also helped me prepare for meetings regarding contracts, new clients and my midyear board meeting because I picked up some great ideas on how to organize my thoughts. I don't always speak out in meetings because they move too fast. By the time I have thought about the topics or agenda items, we have moved on. I did "my homework" to free up my thinking power for more in the moment discussions. It helped.

I could go on and on about this book, so I'll stop here. 


Both titles are a bit of a far cry from 50 Shades of Grey, but I enjoyed them both. Thanks for nerd-ing out with me.

June

Oops Again.

I get so carried away with my projects that sometimes I forget to update.

Everything is going along swimmingly.
This week I am meeting with administration at the school where I contract to talk about renewing my contract. There have been many wonderful things happening with each client and Thursday is the time where I can bring in all of my experiences and data to the admin and talk about what is really happening in music. Of course, the lovely anecdotes from the other therapists, staff and teachers have also helped. I think I'm going to sit down and write out some of the things I know I want to tell her. Sometimes its difficult for me to hit all my points extemporaneously.
I am a "think of the perfect thing to say 3 days after the fact" person.

Today, I did an individual session with the OT and SLP. This student shows little motivation to participate in any activity, class, or group. But when music therapy was introduced into the environment, the student comes to life. The difference is significant. Today we were approximating (and in some cases imitating) each other's rhythmic patterns. In debriefing with the OT and SLP, it was one of those moments where I became re-excited about being a music therapist.

I am looking forward to more moments at the school, but I won't know for sure until I sign the dotted line (again).

This weekend I am headed to the east coast for a little R-ing&R-ful vacation to see my best friend Julie. I'll be in NYC for almost a week- which I think is also going to include a side adventure to Atlantic City. I've already decided to return with everything that I brought... unlike my last trip east.
I'm playing a few shows this summer as well as working garlic festival. As always, my plate is filling up rather quickly, but I really wouldn't have it any other way.

A Breather

Remember my resolution to update more often?
oops.


Life has been crazy busy in the last 4 weeks. I finally finished my show(s). And I think for the first time since giving up my sunday schedule on March 18th, I finally had a weekend off. I had a few things to do here and there, but I didn't have to work and I didn't have to play. It was lovely.

Work is going well right now. I love my clients. I love how the school program is developing. I have had some encouraging discussions with the administration about the future of my contract and program. I'm also feeling the need to branch out and approach more schools. I think summer might be a good time start working on that - in time for the new school year.
Summer is shaping up - I have a trip planned to see my best friend Julie in NYC, subbing in a couple of performances for another show and of course garlic festival. But I am looking forward to getting my work schedule back to a slightly more relaxed pace.... so I can take on other projects, of course.  :)


My latest adventure: I can now say that I have been rock climbing. A friend from the theater invited me to go with him one Monday morning/afternoon. It was a lot harder than I had expected. We went to the Santa Cruz mountains and we get to this 80ft flat drop that we had to repel down. B basically hooked up my harness and tossed me over the edge. It was a lot of fun. This picture was about halfway down the first repel.






Then we hiked up some other rocks and things to this little climb. Its 60-65ft. and I did it! I felt really proud of myself for trying something new and exciting.




Anyhow, things are trucking along.
I am off to my music therapy association's midyear meeting this coming weekend. I am excited to see my colleagues although, I know we will be meeting for a collective 20 hours... at least. It should be interesting.

Hell Week: A New Definition

This week was the worst.

Hell Week has a couple of definitions- I looked them up. It can refer to frats and sororities or midterms and finals or theater productions. Hell Week as I know it is the week leading up to opening night and includes long tech rehearsals. Hours of stopping and starting and hoping to make it through the show. Its mentally and physically exhausting to play a show, stop and start, and focus. Focus is a typical challenge for me. :)
Anyhooo my week leading up to opening night was quite hellish.

I had a crazy busy schedule with work, tech week for the show I'm playing, and another gig (this evening). In addition, I picked up a new client and we had our conference call with the MT on the east coast (see post below). Also, I started house sitting this week for some family friends. So.... as you can read, my plate is quite full.

After logging all of my easter/holy week mass hours, I was gearing up for this crazy week. And monday I was just flattened. I had a really tough session that just caused my emotional cup to runneth over. From the get go, this week did not turn out as I had planned. Go figure. Silly Me for planning. I couldn't get it together in time for my other sessions, so I had to call in and cancel them. Everyone was extremely understanding and I knew it as the right decision. I had the conference call monday night and a rehearsal. Eventually I'd have to pull it together and I needed the time to do so.

Tuesday was better. I picked up a friend's amp that I'm using for the show and got to sit in on some rehearsals. Wednesday- Thursday were tech rehearsals till 11pm. Plus full days of sessions and seeing a new client for the first time.
Last night I had a few sessions, a practice gig for this real gig tonight and opening night. PLUS there was an opening night reception for the cast, crew and orchestra which turned out to be an excellent end to this crazy stupid week. Maybe sleeping in this morning is the best end of this crazy stupid week.

Lesson learned.

It's hard to stay focused on the one day at a time when each day feels like a deluge of things. But as my friend said, "it's do-able and you may look back and wonder how you even did it." She didn't say it had to be graceful.

More on our conference call later....

A Perfect Storm

Hi there.

Okay- the Conference Update.


Last week I came back from our regional conference and have been on the Conference Catch-Up since.

During regional conference, a long time friend and colleague (who also sits on the board) told me that I was "the perfect storm of organization and improvisation." I loved that. In my position, organization is everything... but you also need to be able to go with the flow and respond in the moment. That was the best compliment.

ANyhow, this conference was exciting and important for me in a couple of ways:

1. It was my first conference in my position on the regional board. I am responsible for the quality of programming and continuing education opportunities offered at conference. Everything went really well. Everything ran smoothly. There were a couple of instances where we had to improvise to fill in some last minute holes or glitches. But because they happened, I know what to do if they happen again. I was pretty nervous about making sure I had the right documentation and that the systems we put in place were going to work. They did. Yay!
We got positive feedback on the pacing and schedule.
AND there were several people who told me (or other board members) that every session was worth their time. The presenters were effective and engaging. That's the best feedback ever.

2. My friend/colleague and I gave our presentation on examining the strengths/weaknesses and intersections of two opposing views in music therapy. It was standing room only -  about 33% of conference attendance gathered in our room. We had amazing discussion and feedback throughout the conference. About 8 hours later, my co-presenter and I received an email from a retired music therapist who has been published numerous times and has held extensive leadership positions. This MT lives on the east coast and did not attend our conference... but they heard from another MT who was there. Word travels fast. I feel honored and humbled that this great brain in MT wants to talk to us. We're currently trying to schedule an online conference call  for the next week. Wow!

3. I got to catch up and spend time with friends that I only get to see once or twice a year. There were plenty of shenanigans. There were moments during the conference wrap up Sunday night where we laughed so hard that it hurt. I even got to see some of the city too. Its rare that I get a chance to wander out of the conference hotel.

4. A couple of other presentation ideas have arisen from this conference.


I've just about wrapped everything up from conference, wrote my thank you notes, and submitted my documentation.
Now I'm moving on to the next few projects - a ton of piano gigs (theater and otherwise) and some possible private clients that have come from referrals.
I'm just trucking a long. :)