Something interesting happened to me this evening. I'm kind of peeved about it. Mom and I went to Ruby Tuesday's for burgers before catching a movie. I opted for the salad bar before my burger arrived. I approached the salad bar and an older man and what looked like his mother were ahead of me at the salad bar. The man was helping the woman, holding her plate and putting the things she wanted on there. I was trying to decide what kind of lettuce I wanted when the man turned around and said, "Just wait, this will happen to you someday."
I was completely taken aback! He said that as if I was being impatient and rude about this woman taking her time trying to decide what she wanted (Lots of choices there! I totally understand). He said that without even knowing who I am. I'm not an impatient person when it comes to that. I'm not a rude person either. I wasn't tapping my foot or looking around exasperated or heavily sighing. I was mad because it seemed like this man judged me based on other "young" people. And that really pisses me off. That pisses me off in a couple of ways.
The first is that yes, there may be "young" people, or rather people around my age group that may act like that. There are many people around my age that just don't use common sense (in my own opinion). That drives me bonkers. The second way is that I'm not like those people. He had me grouped into that category without even talking to me or even looking at me twice. I was really put off by this experience. I sat down and told my mom the whole thing.
When Kari and I went to that Diversity training in February we did this exercise about this type of thing. We had to form a group based on some element of your identity. I chose to be in a group about "young people." We had to write down a few things separated into two categories: "Things you never want to hear people say about your group" and "Things you want people to know about your group." We had to write a few things down in each category as a group and share them with everyone. Some of things we never wanted to hear about young people is that we are all disrespectful and lazy which directly relates to how we want people to know that not all "young people" are like that and that we care about people of all walks of life and that we are ambitious, creative, and vibrant people. I was brought back to this discussion as soon as this guy made the assumption that I was somehow mad that I was behind them and that I should "just wait!" until I have to use a walker to get through the salad bar line. Eck. Makes me mad.
The other part of this is the resolution. I would have loved to go over to the table later and tell the guy that he didn't know me and to f- off. BUT, I didn't. In the Diversity workshop we talked about "Finding the Ouch." When someone makes a remark that is an "ouch" kind of thing, it usually comes from some sort of other circumstances (a humanistic view, indeed. I just read about this!). We have to put aside our own ouches and then think about why the other person made the remark. So in this case, I took care of my ouch by venting to my mother. Then I was able to think about why this guy said that. Can't be 100% sure and I could list all of my theories, but I won't. Anyhow, this whole thing has made me think twice about the whole "judging a book by its cover" cliche. So everyone knock it off. You may be causing ouches to people. That's all.
Mom and I saw Iron Man 2 tonight. It was good. I haven't seen the first one which I understand is way better, but we had a good time. There was this song during the credits that absolutely had my mom and I laughing out loud. But I won't give it away. We're back home now and getting ready for bed. We had a big day. The lilac festival was great. Its a cozy festival which only one big stage. The grounds they use are really interesting- made up of a bunch of levels. We did see a few lilac bushes. We were expecting to see more. But we did enjoy the music and the fair food- corn dogs (no Hot Dog on a Stick! That's a whole other blog post) and Abbott's custard. Abbott's custard is a local frozen custard/ice cream place that's big in Rochester. Mmm I had really amazing cookie dough ice cream and mom had a root beer float. Yumm. The weather held out all day.... we'll see what that means for tomorrow's trip to Wegmans and Mar-boy's gig at the Jewish Rochester Talent Showcase. Another big day. This weekend has gone by quickly, but I'm glad my ma came out for a visit. It's been a lot of fun so far!
Okay, I have to get my beauty sleep. I don't want to walk in to the temple tomorrow looking like a shikse.
Goodnight!
Posts
First of all, thank you for making the distinction between a corn dog and a Hot Dog on a Stick - you know there is a huge difference! (Definitely another blog post!)
ReplyDeleteSecond, when something like your salad bar experience happens to me, I always remind myself that I am not standing in that person's shoes. I don't know what there point of reference is or what has happened to them just before our encounter. You did the right thing by walking away and venting to your Mom and on your blog. Not easy, but you handled it well.