Anyways, I'm all out of sorts because life is really stressful right now. I turned in a piece of paper that I was supposed to keep for a meeting next week- so I am obsessing over a piece of paper. I am perfectly aware of how SILLY that is. Tons of paperwork. Formal observations tomorrow for our first quarter evaluations. and a presentation on Thursday. Ack. You would have never thought I've dealt with stress before.
Julie put a lot of this into perspective with one phrase: "What problem?"
Reasoning: there aren't really any problems because the situations all become resolved in some way or another. It keeps things from getting too serious and reminds you to keep a sense of humor in it all. Sometimes you just have to laugh--- like that point when you think that it couldn't get any more ridiculous and then it does. Yea, thats a good moment to just laugh. Can't do anything about it now, so just laugh it off and plan how to resolve it and don't worry or spend anymore time or energy on it.
And then she added, "Your evaluation is going to go fine. You can take constructive criticism way better than you can take a compliment."
Whoa! She's right!
That spawned a whole line of thought (surprising for this time of the evening). Anyhow. Its so true. I can take the constructive criticism--- well most of it. I'm actually a rather sensitive person underneath my "rough" exterior. I tend to take a lot of things personally. But for some reason, taking constructive feedback from people I respect (not always the person in the traditional authority role -- a quality of my intj personality) feels like a natural thing. I think its because I want to be able to do things right and please those I respect and in turn think that being reliable and trustworthy, doing things right to a high standard and quality will earn respect from others. I can also take this to the extreme where I think that everything has to be perfect = hence stressing out over a piece of paper that was delivered early (which I plan to pick up on monday on my way to work). Feedback is something that I love getting so that I can implement it right away. I've always done that- especially in my music therapy settings.
But taking a compliment! Whoa. It makes me really uncomfortable sometimes. I often don't know what to say and feel the need to make some sort of smart-assy comment. And really the comment is a result of feeling awkward. I haven't really figured out what that says about me. I like being recognized for the good things that I do, but maybe I feel uncomfortable because I don't want to come across as overly-confident and annoying. I know that I will never be perfect or done learning. I can always learn to do things better. So maybe its just me focusing on the work to be done instead of enjoying the things that have been accomplished.
Thoughts anyone? leave them in a comment for me.
Maybe for this next week, I am truly going to celebrate the things I finish instead of coming home from work thinking about when I can pick up pieces of paper or dreading my supervision time to go over evaluations. All of this kind of motivating me to get started on my self evaluation for next week. hmmmm perhaps this blogging, chocolate and golden girls treatment is working.
More peace of mind came from talking with my other friend Alli. She said that taking a compliment and receiving verbal affirmations are more of a gift- on either end. Its a gift to be recognized for truly earned achievements (as compared to someone doing stuff for the glory, awards, put on their resume etc) and its a gift to be generous and accept the gift of a verbal affirmation. So its not so much that I should be afraid of people thinking I'm prideful, but allowing people to recognize me for the difference I do make and being generous to accept that type of attention and gratitude if you will. It seems like when you deflect gratitude from someone, that person sees you throw it away, like it isn't worth anything. So, I am going to try and adopt a better attitude of gratitude - one day at a time of course. I will try to accept the gratitude for the things that I work hard for and be generous in looking for reasons to compliment and pay it forward to others. Its kind of a big thing I guess, but I think keeping this intention will help start to change things for me. I don't know. We'll see. :)
Today it was a beautiful 62 degrees and sunny! Everyone is in a better mood. I drove from the office to a meeting (52 miles) with the sun roof open. The bright blue sky was perfect with these cutesy fluffy clouds and a ton of birds flying everywhere. We're talking HUGE V's. I know I mentioned that yesterday. It really is spectacular.
In hot Gilroy topics, my tap dance teacher from 19 years ago passed away this week. She taught us how to shuffle (and a bunch of other steps I still don't remember) from a chair. Kathryne got to be in the middle of the stage at the recital because she was taller and remembered ALL of the steps. She was good. I was this tiny little peanut on the far left (second one in) that almost wet my tights and pink shoes just kind of spinning around sometimes. The video is truly a sight to behold. Dad is on his way to Tempe to clean out and wrap up my apartment. My friends are sad to see the extra key and cable go away. I'm starting to miss everyone more now that I'm under a fair amount of stress but I know that this stuff comes and goes in waves. So I'm waiting for my next wave to come in.
The latest planned adventure (aside from conferences) includes a trip to Cartwrights for all you can eat pancakes and home made syrup (if you're Kari - SIRrup). This was recommended by one of the people at my Tuesday/Friday setting. I'm pretty sure it is located in THE middle of nowhere, NY, USA. Didn't think it was possible. :) I'll definitely take pictures.
That's it for now. My brownies are going to be done soon. I guess I should eat some dinner before I get too carried away. :)
Funny how "blargh" turned into a beautiful day and blog post. I like it.
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It took me a really long time to stop answering compliments with some sarcastic remark. How could anyone think I'm smart, beautiful, sexy, whatever. I have learned, in the vein of Juli who knows compliments go both ways, I can now just say "thank you" and let it go at that. Makes everyone feel better. Don't wait for your 60s to figure this out!
ReplyDeleteJulie is right, there are no problems only challenges for us to overcome. And you can always find some clarity in a bowl of brownie batter! (I'm serious, it works!) Hang in there, enjoy the warm weather. El Tee is right, when you receive a compliment, as difficult as it might be say "thank you," be gracious and move forward.
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